Category Archives: Uncategorized

Clearing Out Clutter

July 17, 2024

I have been busy looking in corners and clearing out items I no longer am using or no longer need or wish to keep—-a child’s guitar, a computer keyboard, canning jars—-and today I opened a cardboard box of sewing notions and fabric pieces of various sizes. In the box were the last two pages of a letter from my mother—inside this particular box because on the back side of the last page of her letter she had typed instructions on how to replace zippers.

Reading the letter, I can hear my mother’s voice again, chatting about the work she was doing in their garden in Oregon, the photo I had sent of my little son David, soon to be one year old, and the problems facing her mother-in-law (my grandmother) because my grandfather was developing dementia and needing more care. My grandparents lived faraway in Arkansas. 

My mother wrote “I just hope that I die in a hurry while I still find the daily routine a challenge and a pleasure.” 

I cannot stop the tears. She was sixty-one when she wrote those words. Twenty-two years later she would decline relatively quickly and die of congestive heart failure, surrounded by family who loved her. I held her hand. I closed her eyes.

I fold the letter carefully. I will put this scrap of letter into the blue box that holds the last of my mother’s papers. 

Not everything is clutter. 

Kristin Moyer

To the New World….

Late in the fall of 1886, Carolina Margareta Brandt, my great-grandaunt, left Sweden on the long journey to America. With Carolina age 39 traveled her niece, Milda Kristina age 14, and her nephew Carl Henning age 12. These two also were Carolina’s step-children, because Carolina had married August Johnson the widower of her sister Cristina Carlotta who had died 6 days after Carl’s birth. The youngest in the group was Carolina’s and August’s son Gustaf Albert, age 9. Another woman and her children from the village went with them. 

The group traveled from their village near Lake Vanern in central Sweden to Gothenburg’s harbor. They sailed on the Diana from Gothenburg to Frederickshavn in Denmark, then took another ship to Bremen, Germany where they boarded a German steam/clipper ship the SS Hermann built 1865. 

They landed in Baltimore on November 11, 1886 and traveled by train to Minneapolis where my great-grandfather August Johnson was waiting for them. He was sitting on the porch of a boarding house, when his wife and his three children came trundling along the walk, looking, according to the family story, like gypsies. 

The iron-bound wooden trunk you see in the photographs also went to the New World, via Liverpool and then to Baltimore. I am sure the family traveled with smaller bags, too.

What do you think Carolina packed in that trunk? Was my grandmother Milda Kristina allowed to put something in it? What would you take from home across an ocean to a new land? The trunk, a cherished family heirloom, now sits in the home of one of Milda’s great-granddaughters. 

Last June, I stood on the bow of the canal boat M/S Juno built 1874 as it sailed out of Gothenburg harbor on its way to the Gota Canal system of rivers, canals, and lakes, and ultimately into the North Sea and the docks of Stockholm. I thought about those brave women in my family who sailed from that same harbor across the Atlantic Ocean, and that wooden trunk containing pieces of their lives. I felt a circle had been closed. And I was grateful for the traits of tenacity, resiliency, and courage I have inherited. 

Singer of Birches

The tree crew is here today. They came with a big truck and a chipper and had a difficult time lining up the truck to pull through the pasture gate and then turn around so the truck is heading down the drive. I stopped watching and went into the house. For the past two hours the team of three has been up the big maple tree in my back yard—well, two are up the tree, I think, and one on the ground. That tree is a glorious color in the fall, and then drops a thick load of leaves over my shade garden. For the past few years it has taken to dropping branches unexpectedly. Last month after a wind storm I discovered a very large branch had fallen next to the glider I had bought and put together in 2015 to honor what would have been my 50th wedding anniversary—-we made it to our 45th anniversary before Bill’s death. That heavy branch smashed a plastic side table and would have squashed me, had I been under it.

But I love that maple tree nonetheless. Bill and I planted it in 1978, the year after we moved here. We also planted the two willow oaks and the pear tree….too close to the house…and then a long list of other trees, some we planted, others planted by landscapers. Not all the trees have survived, but I think we planted over thirty trees on this property, and the edges of the lot are ringed with wild native trees, including hickory, persimmon, wild cherry, eastern red cedar, and tulip poplar. 

I grew up loving trees. I have early memories of the birch trees with their shimmering branches at our cabin northern Minnesota. My mother hung a hammock for me between two birches to the west of the cabin. I was three when I first rocked in that hammock, toes reaching for the blue sky and singing to myself. My father would come along and say, “What are you thinking about, CheeChee?”—-the name I called myself before I could pronounce Kristin. But I was thinking about everything and nothing. 

There were tall straight Norway pines at the cabin, too, more stately than my sister birches. On the hill above the cabin there was a Norway that I climbed when I was nine or so, with the neighbor kids. A young sapling grew up next to it, and I could shinny up the sapling and then grasp the lowest branch of the Norway and swing up onto that first branch. And from there pull myself from one branch to the next until I was high enough to see over the other trees and across the lake. I remember hanging onto the branches high in the tree, feeling the wind on my face and hearing the cry of the loons, thinking myself invincible. 

During that same time period we were living in Fort Knox Kentucky, in military rowhouses encircled by red clay, and there were few if any trees to climb there until we moved into a rambling house next to an old fenced cemetery  and surrounded by military barracks. But there was a big sassafras tree in the backyard, perfect for me to climb, with a low enough branch to start me upward and a very comfortable branch for me to sit on and sulk when I was mad at my mother…which seemed to be often during that time. I was in seventh grade. I liked to chew the young sassafras leaves and small twigs and smell the bark…it smelled like the South and summer. 

By the time I was in high school I had stopped climbing trees but I never stopped loving them. Their dangerous beauty surrounds my house now, and in the late summers each year I return to the Minnesota cabin, and sitting in the hammock I sing to the birches my sweet songs. 

February 16, 2024

January 8th, 2024

I am taking down my Christmas tree, two days after 12th Night, on the 8th day of January, and I am thinking of my mother, who was the creator of Christmas celebrations in my family when I was growing up. 

She was the first generation American in her family, with both parents immigrating from Sweden, and she brought to her marriage all the Swedish traditions of Yuletide celebrations—- evergreens and a fir tree in the house, packages wrapped in white and tied with red ribbon, a Yulbord on Christmas Eve. 

When my mother was growing up, there were journeys by a horse-drawn sleigh across the snow-covered fields to midnight services on Christmas Eve at the little Lutheran church in central Minnesota. Santa arrived at their home to the tune of sleigh bells. Family gathered on Christmas Eve, and extended family gathered for Second Day of Christmas. 

My father came from an English/Scots-Irish family in Arkansas, and I don’t think his mother made much fuss over Christmas at all.  

But my mother did, and she inculcated her four children with the rituals of a Swedish Christmas, though we never celebrated St. Lucia’s Day. We carried my mother’s  traditions forward into our own families when we married. 

All the ornaments now are off my tree, including the very old glass ornaments stored in a box labeled in my mother’s hand-writing, For Bill and Kristin. Now I am struggling with untangling the six strands of white lights from the tree, which has dried out terribly. It stopped taking up water at some point. 

My lower back is hurting. I have to sit down for a bit. I am 81 years old, three years younger than my mother who died on this day, January 8th, 1992, thirty-two years ago. I was at the hospital when she died. My sister and my two children were were there, too. It was a bright sunny January day. 

The last strands of lights are off the tree, and I spread a sheet on the living room floor, press my foot on the lever of the German made tree stand, and gently lift and lower the dried out tree to the sheet.

I haul the awkward tree bundle out of the living room, squeezing past furniture, and out the kitchen door, thinking of my mother on this anniversary of her death.

 Not long ago, I read that a person’s life span is not measured by the actual number of years lived, but by the ripples they created during their lives. 

If I look at the ripples my mother created with her Christmas rituals alone, those ripples will go on for a very long time.

 My older brother had two children, and they have four children total. I have two children, and they have three children total. My sister has two children and one of those sons has four children. Even if only small pieces of my mother’s traditions are carried forward, there are eleven in the newest generation to be the bearers. 

I drop the tree bundle on the kitchen patio. It now is almost dark. Tomorrow I will put the tree up in a corner of the yard, to be a winter shelter for the little birds.

I look up at the dark sky, and turn back to the house. Lots of clean up still to do. 

January 8, 2024

Kristin Moyer

Winter Dreams

For those of you who grew up with winter snows:
May your dreams be filled with the snows of childhood

 With snow angels and snow men

 With sledding on nearby hills and trying out new Christmas skis

With the taste of brittle snow candy made by pouring hot maple syrup on fresh snow

 With the smell of wet mittens drying out on radiators

And with the sound of snow falling softly all around you in the winter's night. 

Sleep well, sweet dreams.

January 2, 2024

Ritual of Candle Lighting: Joys and Sorrows

November 5, 2023

Lining up in silence while the music plays

Holding the taper to the small candle in the sand

Silent with joy or sorrow, intent on the job and the moment

All woven fine

And the tiny flame catches and glows

And the candle passes down the ranks of the waiting

To the old

To the young

To men

To women

To those of no gender at all

To white, to black, to colors in between

From hand to waiting hand

Sometimes with a smile

Sometimes somberly

But the flame passes

From hand to hand


Kristin Moyer

Mother’s Day 2023

Sitting under the snowbell tree--
Around me the patio covered
 With blossoms the color of old bridal veils
The sweet scent rising 

I am remembering the birth of my first child 

Brought into the world after hours of labor
“Hello Tiny Tim!” said my doctor 
And then they bore him away
Not to be given to me until half a day later

And my second baby

Arriving like the whirlwind after induced labor
Laid on my belly as they rolled the gurney 
Down the hallway 
“Welcome to the world, my daughter”
My blood pressure dropping

And no men allowed those days
Relegated to the waiting rooms
20th Century births

The blossoms fall like gentle rain

I pick one up from my lap

It is as delicate 
As lovely 
As mysterious 
As those babies 
Born so many years ago


--Kristin Moyer

Turning 80

I celebrated my 80th birthday a month ago, and one of my friends asked me how it felt to be 80. Mostly I feel surprised and amazed.

You would think I would know that 80 comes after 79, but I feel as though this 80th birthday came out of no where. It snuck up on me. I don’t feel 80, though when I see candid photographs I have to acknowledge that I am old. I don’t have as many wrinkles as some of my friends, but there is that jawline and the aging neck. 

I also hear the clock ticking more loudly. Both my parents died in their early 80s. My mother had a heart condition, and I was recently diagnosed with a heart condition, too. I am trying to take care of that problem, with medications and a cardiac ablation, and I need to build my stamina back, too. 

I have great plans for this new decade, but perhaps I will not get all ten years. The road behind me stretches back for many miles, and the road ahead cannot be as long…nor would I want it to be. But I hope to travel, to explore new places, to spend time in beloved places. I hope to self publish two books. I hope to spend time with family and friends. I hope to stay healthy and in my home.

A dear friend told me that her rabbi gave a blessing to one of his congregants who was turning 80, and told the woman that according to Jewish tradition, she had now reached the age of strength—strength that comes from eight decades of life experiences and lessons.

So I have reached the age of strength. May it be so. And may the road lead onward.

Kristin Moyer

February 3, 2023

Passages

The tattered books are over fifty years old

Thick board books, with moving wheels 

Showing trucks and fire engines

Beloved by my son

And I hand them now to Kevin the store clerk

Kind and caring to me at the wild bird store

Whose little boy Henry was two yesterday

And who likes books…

That the adventure may go on.


Kristin Moyer
July 12, 2022

Summer, 1972, Washington DC

Pre Roe v. Wade

We lined up on the Mall

In the hot summer sun and waited

In our white dresses and slacks and shirts

With our signs Freedom of Choice

And finally the march began to move

Off the Mall onto the streets, all of us chanting,

Around a narrow corner where enraged faces

Screamed and shook jars of tiny bodies

Then onto Constitution Avenue

And the marble dome of the Capitol 

Floating like a mirage of Justice 


Kristin Moyer 
June 24, 2022