January 31, 2018
“So, how do you like life as a single?” Sue my water aerobics instructor cheerfully asked me, as I sat in the hot tub, my arthritic left knee bent to receive the warm jets. She was standing above me, ready to take the next class, my 8:00 am class having finished.
I was so gobsmacked by the question that I do not know what I answered. I babbled some reply, and Sue went back to the pool to teach her class. She had commented to me once or twice that I seemed strong and independent. Perhaps she admired that. She is ten years younger than I, and married.
Bill died over seven years ago, and I never have thought of myself as single. I am a widow. I am on my own, but I did not choose to be this way. Maybe those who are single do not choose to be so, either, but I think they have more say in their situation. Bill and I were married for 45 years, and his death from cancer ripped the fabric of our married life in two.
On most forms that ask for marital status there is a box for widowed. Except on the income tax returns; there I have to check off Single, and I resent that.
So how do I like life as a single? I get to do what I want, when I want, without consulting my husband. I get to hold a holiday open house by myself, without consulting the resident introvert. I get to stay up late and watch a movie, without Bill saying, “Are you still up?” I get to plan overseas travel to suit myself. And I get to worry about the woodpeckers drilling holes in the siding alone, and worry about my upcoming surgery alone. I get to pay all the bills, and worry if there will be enough money. I get to celebrate my birthday alone.
And I miss Bill every day.
*Title of American Folk Song
Kristin, thank you for sharing your most intimate feelings about being “alone”. As you expressed “alone” feels a lot different than “single”. You ARE strong and independent BUT I totally get that as humans I do not believe we are meant to be alone. We adjust but our lives are never the same.
Thank you for sharing your “gob smacked” moment.
Hugs,
Carole
Thank you for reading and commenting, Carole! And for understanding.
Kristin
So interesting because the label that distresses me is widow. I can’t stand to check the widow box. What we find out is that labels are fraught with meaning. Single is worse for you; widow is worse for me. I love your honest blog! Thank you.
It always makes me sad, Becky, to check the widow box, but at least it acknowledges my loss, whereas single makes it seem that Bill has never been. And I know I adopted my blog title to show strength, despite the widow title. But I guess it is not remarkable how words can hurt in different ways. I am sure my water aerobics teacher did not mean to hurt me. Thank you for reading my blog!