July 17, 2015

Dear Bill,

This past Tuesday July 14th was the fifth anniversary of your death. I would rather remember the happy times—your birthday, our wedding anniversary, holidays—but I spent the day thinking of you. My friend Sandra W—you knew her, too—came over at 9:00 am and we spent almost two hours weeding the shady part of the pollinator garden I had planted in your memory in the fall of 2010. Remember that you said, “Now you’ve got a problem!” when we had that area cleared of invasive Japanese honeysuckle right before your death? You were right; the native plants are slowly filling in the space, but the weeds still creep in and need constant battling. But you would be happy to see all the native bees and the many butterflies. I put one of the bird houses you built in the center of the bed, and the old garden bench sits under one of the red bud tree, with your memorial rock next to the bench.

You have gone, but that garden has moved on and grown. I have moved on, too, in a way, out of the deep grief that gripped me for the first few years into an acceptance of this new life on my own. You told me that I could do it, that I was smart and brave and strong. I think you would be proud of all that I have done these past five years. Here are some of them:

Dealt with termite infestation of the house and barn, with falling trees and broken fences, with broken plumbing and broken equipment.

Learned to jump start the pick up truck (because I don’t drive it enough to keep the battery charged.)

Improved the outdoor lighting, had solartubes installed, and got the house, barn and storage shed re-roofed.

Had an energy audit performed on the house and had the attic completely re-insulated.

Had the driveway redone with “chip and seal.” I don’t think you would approve of that, however. Our son sure doesn’t.

Bought an Apple computer, and an iPad and an iPhone.

Adopted a sweet old dog.

Underwent a dental implant, two wisdom teeth extractions, a venous ablation, and a total knee replacement—and I really dreaded the latter without you here to support me.

Drove solo to Minnesota and back, 3000 miles round trip, three times.

Traveled by myself to Ecuador, the Galapagos Islands, and to the Baltic countries.

Traveled with Marie Y (remember her from our Thailand trip?) to the Balkan coast and to Patagonia, where I landed on Cape Horn.

And I took Emma to Africa on a safari, as I promised you I would.

Now I look into the future, with more projects to keep this place together—-the pool to be re-plastered, the house to be painted, new shrubs and trees to be planted—and more places to travel—Great Britain with Emma Rose, the Orkney Islands, a return to New Zealand and Australia to see friends and family, maybe Japan.

And however much time may pass, my love for you will never fade. You are in my heart always.

Your loving wife,

Kristin