Yesterday was Christmas Day, the fourth Christmas without Bill. I know some widows decide they have to start new traditions, change the old patterns because they hold so much pain. They leave their homes and go to other cities, or they go to the homes of friends and relatives, or they go to a resort or on a cruise.  Perhaps that works for some. But for me the Christmas celebration is intertwined with home.  It would be much more painful for me to leave than to stay home for Christmas.

And also I know that “wherever you go, there you are.” You cannot run from sorrow and grief, you carry it with you.  On the first anniversary of Bill’s death, I was in Baja, Mexico. I had not planned for that particular family vacation to fall on the anniversary week of Bill’s death, it just happened to be the only time that we could arrange for the condo rental. I enjoyed the ocean breezes, the sunsets over the beach, and time with my daughter and family. But my heart was heavy with sorrow, and finally at one dinner I sat at the table with tears flowing silently down my cheeks, while my granddaughter stared, puzzled, until my daughter explained.

I think it probably is best to do whatever brings you the most comfort. For me at Christmas that means decorating my home, baking the traditional cookies, inviting family and friends here. And I take comfort from the memories of all the Christmases that Bill and I shared together. If you are a widow, what brings you comfort during traditional holidays?

Now– facing the New Year is another story, and I will write about that later.